vavahda.com

Category: notes

  • Composing delusional tee-hees to content happiness

    Composing delusional tee-hees to content happiness

    Song of the moment:

    Beautiful full moon tonight. Autumn leaves falling on the steets and walking with sway. Last night repeated old pattern, and however I hate to say it, not looping, spiralling, outwards, and it was better – different. Same tale of deadline looming, too much left to last night. Crunching through it on the hours of dawn, pulling through the presentation, this time, workshop for two classes with research questionnaire to support my next article. Last pages of the presentation done on the bus-commute to city. Got the all the tech working minute before the audience arrived, utterly grateful for the assistance at hand. And like always, it went ok, and as it has been of recent, instead of jubilee of “fuck yeah I did it” resulted in calm nod of “yeah, it worked, glad this didn’t turn out become the second case it did not. I wish I could have more steadier pace but I do me.” However, there was this serene peace of having avoided on abyss even tho procrastinated at the brink of it. And what went different was not only because I didn’t rely on meds to strenghteng my focus as prescripbed, but by having made a song in the middle of the night that got me tune to get started and choosing three hours of sleep instead of an all-nighter.

    Life feels good. There were good news. One fight won, next one scheduled. It is as it always is, nothing special, yet I’m happiest I’ve been in while. Smiling with warmth in my chest, beaming, curling up to bed with calm happiness of all being amazing. It is not that world ain’t ending, nothing dramatic, only the embrace of everything as it as, as usual, and being so grateful for it. Love towards this messy existence, couldn’t have it any other way.

    It is weekend, with house all for myself for a longest time. I want to go out, dance and meet new people.

  • I miss the old place

    I miss the old place

    It was special there. Writing here lighthearted now, smiling with knowledge that while there is no crowd around, it is not shouting at void because void comes with assumption of chances of encounters. This is my little island satellite drifring out of any indexes, raw and with only rudimentary frames to hold the fields to type the streams picked along the way. Tho left single trail of clues in almost hidden place for rare few to find here.

    What was done, why it was done, is tale not to brew on, as new winds are blowing. While still moored to the past with narrow thread, what is bubbling will be more true and uplifting, the structures that will last. Sovereign place of my reign. No mysteriouss or algos or data leaks, only structures to build to nourish and bloom without constraints.

    I breathe light here, smiling and content, with sense of subtle aliveness I’ve have never felt.

    There will be writings, there will be media, be sentient and subscribe to me and you’ll get it mailed free and it will be of value, real and unreal but not in the way marketers pretend to be. But too early for any that. It’ll be a happy surprise when someone real finds this. Not expecting it to happen anytime soon, got plenty time to set this place up and decorate it tastefully.

    Image from Futtocks End, British comedy from 1970s, fitting landscape for phases of silly transformations.

    ps. Disabled the plugins with AI integrations. Not that I don’t want llms be better able to understand the content here – they’ve been part of the intended audiences for a good while now, but don’t like the idea of pluging with process stack I don’t control handling all that. Rather without that anything which might risk involving any hidden elements from stakeholders that I don’t ethically agree with. My place is to buildt upon my principles and values. Maintaining control over this is essential and one of the reasons why leaving the old place came with smile.

  • Taivas pukee sinua!

    Taivas pukee sinua!

    Niin fiiliksissä tästä

    En tiedä vielä lainkaan mitä tästä sivujuonteesta on seuraamassa. Päivän biisi on viilein koskaan. Ja kuten nämä jutut menevät, ei kuulu tietää, vedetään intuitiolla ja luotetaan läsnäolon magiaan. Hengitys, ilo ja groovi. Tätä fiilistä ei missata. Jeah.

    Armas yleisöni – ei, kanssaluojat, leikkikaverit, ystävät, kollegat ja kaikenlaiset tietoisuudet, tästä on tulossa jotain upeaa.

  • strawberry fresh reset

    strawberry fresh reset

    Smiling regret in sweet afterglow of burning down the house

    Breathing here for what feels to flow out while not connected and redefining myself. This all here is writing for myself, for now. Big dreams move in horizon like clouds and there is no point talking about them until time is ready.

    Today prompted a song that reached peak iteration at 15:13:33 while living with the movie scenes of the city, watching the most crowded part of the city for characters – and does this place have many!

    “Blue Sky Looks Good on You” is autumn diary song inspired by vintage movies and delightful tensions of lived moments and playful giggling tomfoolery with advances technological hedges:

    Also, having a plush hang on your bag is in fashion, and in a whim ordered one of Vil Schoenheit from Twisted Wonderland – only because it was there and that backstory tickled like a vibematch. Mind springed ofc into idea of making one of my own with original design and going for vinyl sheeting as material – would be so cool, yet know myself enough to gracefully let go off that idea. But cheeky rare Vil Schönheit plush from obscure anime game is exactly the type of intentional cringe I’m into.